Dear Daughter
Last time I talked about how you can overcome low self-esteem by telling yourself you are the greatest then everyone else’s remarks will not lower your esteem. Today I want to look at the issue of personal acceptance as a way of overcoming a poor self-image.
Now, you have to agree that in as much as there are others who have bodies and faces that all others admire, the admired girls may turn out not to like their bodies anyway. In fact they may be wishing they had what you have when you wish you had theirs. To overcome this, realise and accept this unchangeable fact that the body you have is all you will ever have for the rest of your life. If you will not accept and love it no one else will. The image portrayed by magazines that thin is beautiful is a dangerous one because other people can only achieve it by being anorexic. This is very unhealthy and a few people whom I got in contact with who were unhappy with their bodies and were starving themselves were a terrible sight and they suffered many self-inflicted pains. I do not want you to follow the same route...
...By the way, true beauty is a combination of the person you are, including all the attributes. A pretty face is actually a cheap commodity; it gets value from the real person inside. There are many people who are talented physically but are not pleasant to be around. Work hard to develop your inner self and out of you will come true beauty, which will attract people to you. It is, therefore futile to wish you had all the external attributes that other people have if there is no inner beauty, because without it all that people call beauty is not beautiful at all.
Set Goals and Pursue Them
Dear Daughter
I want to talk about setting goals and pursuing them. Life is too short to wonder around aimlessly. It is only those who choose to sit down and map a way in life that get to the destinations that they set for themselves.
Everything that you see was once just an idea in someone’s mind. There are lots of ideas that will cross your mind but what will make a difference is what you will do with these ideas. If you choose to ignore them, they will remain ideas in your mind, and when you die you take them to the grave and enrich the place where most people do not want to live – the graveyard. If you want to get something out of the ideas that cross your mind, then you have to channel them in one direction. Dam water can be used to generate electricity because at that point the water is easily channelled. It is a fact that water is capable of generating electricity but in other places where it is not channelled it cannot do this job effectively. This emphasises the need to set goals...
Dear Daughter
I want to talk about setting goals and pursuing them. Life is too short to wonder around aimlessly. It is only those who choose to sit down and map a way in life that get to the destinations that they set for themselves.
Everything that you see was once just an idea in someone’s mind. There are lots of ideas that will cross your mind but what will make a difference is what you will do with these ideas. If you choose to ignore them, they will remain ideas in your mind, and when you die you take them to the grave and enrich the place where most people do not want to live – the graveyard. If you want to get something out of the ideas that cross your mind, then you have to channel them in one direction. Dam water can be used to generate electricity because at that point the water is easily channelled. It is a fact that water is capable of generating electricity but in other places where it is not channelled it cannot do this job effectively. This emphasises the need to set goals...
Add Passion to Your Talent for Success
Dear Daughter
Last time I mentioned that it is important to find an area of interest and pursue it, and we said the only way to discover your strong points is by taking time to participate in these activities of interest. We realised, however, that there are times when choosing is difficult especially for the multi-talented. Let us see how you can overcome the indecision, which is always associated with choosing areas of interest.
Dear Daughter
Last time I mentioned that it is important to find an area of interest and pursue it, and we said the only way to discover your strong points is by taking time to participate in these activities of interest. We realised, however, that there are times when choosing is difficult especially for the multi-talented. Let us see how you can overcome the indecision, which is always associated with choosing areas of interest.
One thing we have to agree on from the onset is that success in any field is not determined by the amount of talent an individual has. There are many mediocre to average people who are doing better than the highly talented. It is the passion that you have, instead, that will take you far. As you choose, then, find an area you are passionate about. If you have talent as well this will be a bonus...
...Get all the training you may get to enhance the talent that you have but ensure that you couple it with a lot of passion so that the end result is worth the effort. You will not only discover your area of interest and maximum production, you will also be able to produce fruit that others only see in their dreams.
In A Multitude of Counsellors There Is Safety
Dear Daughter
Ever realised how you seem to know everything these days? I am sure there is no one in the whole world as clever or as wise as you are. This is, at least, what you believe. This is very common with teenagers. At this stage they are the main actors in the film of life. There is nothing that you cannot handle. You feel so confident that you want to make all the decisions on your own without consultation. This independence feels good but we have to put a few things into perspective here.
You definitely are the main actor in your life and you will be starring in it throughout. No one will take that role till you die. Realise, however, that unlike in the movies, the main actor in real life can die. Do not think that you can be like the movie star who can get into any mess and get out with just a few bruises. You have only one life. You are not like the cartoons, which are squashed by a car and all they have to do is get up, dust up and off they go. Once you are dead you are dead and no more. You have a real life to live and there are real problems that need to be addressed realistically.
I know that I am old fashioned in your eyes. I cannot be otherwise, because I was born a long time ago before civilisation came to this part of the world, or so you always think. This means that, to you, all my assessments are warped and old fashioned and although the ideas I share were applicable then they are no longer 21st century compliant. This is a good view to some extent because it helps you explore some new ideas, which I will never be able to attempt. Let the words of an unknown writer shock you back to reality.
At five years of age: Daddy knows everything.
At twelve years of age: Daddy does not know everything.
At seventeen years of age: Daddy does not know anything.
At twenty-five years of age: Daddy knows some things.
At thirty-five years of age: I wish daddy was here, he would know everything...
Dear Daughter
Ever realised how you seem to know everything these days? I am sure there is no one in the whole world as clever or as wise as you are. This is, at least, what you believe. This is very common with teenagers. At this stage they are the main actors in the film of life. There is nothing that you cannot handle. You feel so confident that you want to make all the decisions on your own without consultation. This independence feels good but we have to put a few things into perspective here.
You definitely are the main actor in your life and you will be starring in it throughout. No one will take that role till you die. Realise, however, that unlike in the movies, the main actor in real life can die. Do not think that you can be like the movie star who can get into any mess and get out with just a few bruises. You have only one life. You are not like the cartoons, which are squashed by a car and all they have to do is get up, dust up and off they go. Once you are dead you are dead and no more. You have a real life to live and there are real problems that need to be addressed realistically.
I know that I am old fashioned in your eyes. I cannot be otherwise, because I was born a long time ago before civilisation came to this part of the world, or so you always think. This means that, to you, all my assessments are warped and old fashioned and although the ideas I share were applicable then they are no longer 21st century compliant. This is a good view to some extent because it helps you explore some new ideas, which I will never be able to attempt. Let the words of an unknown writer shock you back to reality.
At five years of age: Daddy knows everything.
At twelve years of age: Daddy does not know everything.
At seventeen years of age: Daddy does not know anything.
At twenty-five years of age: Daddy knows some things.
At thirty-five years of age: I wish daddy was here, he would know everything...
The law of attraction
Dear Daughter
Today I want to talk about how to develop yourself to attract great friends. One thing that has been proven by psychologists is that people attract others who are like them. The woman who divorces because the husband has some traits she does not like finds herself married to another one with exactly the same traits she hates. The point is that you may run away from everyone else but you cannot run away from you. I mean to say that the person whom you are will inevitably attract people who are alike. It is a proven law of nature.
If this fact is true, as it has proven to be true over the years, it is a wise thing to endeavour to grow up to be a better person so that other people with better characteristics can come and associate with you. It is simple but not so easy...
Dear Daughter
Today I want to talk about how to develop yourself to attract great friends. One thing that has been proven by psychologists is that people attract others who are like them. The woman who divorces because the husband has some traits she does not like finds herself married to another one with exactly the same traits she hates. The point is that you may run away from everyone else but you cannot run away from you. I mean to say that the person whom you are will inevitably attract people who are alike. It is a proven law of nature.
If this fact is true, as it has proven to be true over the years, it is a wise thing to endeavour to grow up to be a better person so that other people with better characteristics can come and associate with you. It is simple but not so easy...
Some poetry at the beginning of every section.
RELATIONSHIP WITH BOYS
Relationships with the opposite sex are like an ornament
Everyone wants to participate in this adornment
Loving and being loved causing the heart great contentment
As the lover and the loved share their time in enjoyment
Till in the end they forget about the reality of their environment
Ignoring the fact that the end is not always like at commencement
Only focussing on that which provides short-term entertainment
Not realising that this could lead to imprisonment
Something that is far from the expected refreshment
Help yourself by checking your involvement
In order to avoid impending disappointment
Produced when you enter these relationships without discernment
Will you now listen to my encouragement?
It is not that I do not hear your argument
That sometimes these relationships give you fulfilment
Helping you when you want to escape disenchantment
But realise that everything you enjoy comes with a payment
Obey good advice and avoid defilement
You are the only one who can avoid disappointment
Save yourself pain by obeying good commandments.
Relationships with the opposite sex are like an ornament
Everyone wants to participate in this adornment
Loving and being loved causing the heart great contentment
As the lover and the loved share their time in enjoyment
Till in the end they forget about the reality of their environment
Ignoring the fact that the end is not always like at commencement
Only focussing on that which provides short-term entertainment
Not realising that this could lead to imprisonment
Something that is far from the expected refreshment
Help yourself by checking your involvement
In order to avoid impending disappointment
Produced when you enter these relationships without discernment
Will you now listen to my encouragement?
It is not that I do not hear your argument
That sometimes these relationships give you fulfilment
Helping you when you want to escape disenchantment
But realise that everything you enjoy comes with a payment
Obey good advice and avoid defilement
You are the only one who can avoid disappointment
Save yourself pain by obeying good commandments.
Why Boys Leave Soon After Sleeping With You
Dear Daughter
If boys ask for sex so much, then why do they leave a girl soon after they sleep with her? The answer to this question can be found if you look at the mentality of men in general. What makes girls prey to men who show evidence of double standards is that they do not know how men think in the first place. Most of the girls, however, think that they are informed about these things. Let us explore the mind of men as far as sex is concerned.
The reason why boys and some men may avoid sleeping with you if they genuinely love you is that they know how degrading the whole thing is to you. They would rather spare you the agony that they know you will be subjected to by sleeping with them. Let us not forget that most of them will be under pressure from their easily excited bodies when they get to sleep with their girlfriends although some of them claim to love these girls. One thing they will vow is that they will not marry a woman who is no longer a virgin even if they have slept with ten, themselves. I do not know where they expect to get these virgins to come from since they destroy them daily. All the same these men will demand this from the woman they will marry as a condition before they take them down the aisle. They also demand faithfulness from their partners even if they are very unfaithful themselves. They just do not want to share their wives.
How does this affect them then? You may ask. If they can ask for sex from you and you agree, then what guarantee, they ask themselves, will you give that if someone else comes you will not agree to sleep with him? If this is the case then you cease to be trustworthy. In their eyes anyone can now sleep with you on impulse and for this reason you are no longer worth marrying. How painful it is that you sleep with them to show you love them and they leave you for sleeping with them claiming you are no longer trustworthy.
Dear Daughter
If boys ask for sex so much, then why do they leave a girl soon after they sleep with her? The answer to this question can be found if you look at the mentality of men in general. What makes girls prey to men who show evidence of double standards is that they do not know how men think in the first place. Most of the girls, however, think that they are informed about these things. Let us explore the mind of men as far as sex is concerned.
The reason why boys and some men may avoid sleeping with you if they genuinely love you is that they know how degrading the whole thing is to you. They would rather spare you the agony that they know you will be subjected to by sleeping with them. Let us not forget that most of them will be under pressure from their easily excited bodies when they get to sleep with their girlfriends although some of them claim to love these girls. One thing they will vow is that they will not marry a woman who is no longer a virgin even if they have slept with ten, themselves. I do not know where they expect to get these virgins to come from since they destroy them daily. All the same these men will demand this from the woman they will marry as a condition before they take them down the aisle. They also demand faithfulness from their partners even if they are very unfaithful themselves. They just do not want to share their wives.
How does this affect them then? You may ask. If they can ask for sex from you and you agree, then what guarantee, they ask themselves, will you give that if someone else comes you will not agree to sleep with him? If this is the case then you cease to be trustworthy. In their eyes anyone can now sleep with you on impulse and for this reason you are no longer worth marrying. How painful it is that you sleep with them to show you love them and they leave you for sleeping with them claiming you are no longer trustworthy.
Another question they ask is that if you were refusing to sleep with them because you were still a virgin then what will happen now that you no longer have anything to protect...
The Benefits of Trusting God
Dear Daughter
In as much as the relationship with God is one of love, it must also be one of trust. Trusting God shows you know that He is really God. The bible exhorts everyone to put His trust in God.
Psalm 118:8 says, “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.” This is because man has been known to say one thing and then do something else. God on the other hand is very trustworthy and reliable. What He has said He goes on to do it. In Numbers 23:19 the bible says, “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” This is the God I want you to have a relationship with. He is so reliable if He says it, you can consider it done...
Dear Daughter
In as much as the relationship with God is one of love, it must also be one of trust. Trusting God shows you know that He is really God. The bible exhorts everyone to put His trust in God.
Psalm 118:8 says, “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.” This is because man has been known to say one thing and then do something else. God on the other hand is very trustworthy and reliable. What He has said He goes on to do it. In Numbers 23:19 the bible says, “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” This is the God I want you to have a relationship with. He is so reliable if He says it, you can consider it done...
Benefits of Fearing The Lord
Dear Daughter
Today I want to talk about fearing God. The Bible says that “The fear of the Lord is the start of knowledge: but the foolish have no use for wisdom and teaching.” Proverbs 1:7.(BBE) You must, therefore, fear God because that is the only way you can acquire knowledge and wisdom. Fear in this text does not mean being terrified although that element is there to a small extent as in fear of consequences if you do not obey. Fear means reverence, respect, admiration, awe, and worship all in one place. You respect Him because He is the Creator and your life depends on Him. He is the Almighty God and deserves this kind of treatment. You admire and revere Him for the same reasons. When you have these feelings of respect and the like, you will respect His laws too; something that will make you a success in life.
Psalm 111:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the best part of wisdom: all those who keep his laws are wise.” (BBE) This means to say if you want God to call you a wise person you have to work hard to have the fear of God in your life. Fearing God makes you a wise person and there are many advantages for those who choose to fear the Lord. I have quoted a number of verses from proverbs to let you know the advantages of fearing God.
Proverbs 10:27 says, “The fear of the Lord gives long life, but the years of the evil-doer will be cut short.” (BBE) There is no wisdom in doing something that will cut your life short. If you want to have a long and productive life then you have to fear the Lord as the bible prescribes...
Dear Daughter
Today I want to talk about fearing God. The Bible says that “The fear of the Lord is the start of knowledge: but the foolish have no use for wisdom and teaching.” Proverbs 1:7.(BBE) You must, therefore, fear God because that is the only way you can acquire knowledge and wisdom. Fear in this text does not mean being terrified although that element is there to a small extent as in fear of consequences if you do not obey. Fear means reverence, respect, admiration, awe, and worship all in one place. You respect Him because He is the Creator and your life depends on Him. He is the Almighty God and deserves this kind of treatment. You admire and revere Him for the same reasons. When you have these feelings of respect and the like, you will respect His laws too; something that will make you a success in life.
Psalm 111:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the best part of wisdom: all those who keep his laws are wise.” (BBE) This means to say if you want God to call you a wise person you have to work hard to have the fear of God in your life. Fearing God makes you a wise person and there are many advantages for those who choose to fear the Lord. I have quoted a number of verses from proverbs to let you know the advantages of fearing God.
Proverbs 10:27 says, “The fear of the Lord gives long life, but the years of the evil-doer will be cut short.” (BBE) There is no wisdom in doing something that will cut your life short. If you want to have a long and productive life then you have to fear the Lord as the bible prescribes...
Letter to Fellow Fathers
Dear Daddy
I am writing to you because I believe that the task of educating your child about the issues I addressed in this book and more is yours. It is not the easiest task for any father but if we do not do it no one will do it for us. Those who claim to do it may not do it effectively or may do it for their own benefit. This is the reason why I encourage you to brace yourself and start doing the work that is yours to do.
I have been interacting with teenagers on a daily basis as a schoolteacher for close to a decade now, and one sentence that I have heard over and over when I try to share with them some of the issues I discussed here is that parents do not take time to share these issues with them. They wish they would sit down with their fathers and learn directly from them because trusting the teacher to do the job may not be the best. For one thing, the teacher may not be free to share with your child for different reasons. It is a fact that it is not his/her obligation to teach your child these issues. It is a blessing if the teachers who teach your child take it upon themselves to teach their students these things. But to trust that they will or to say that they must is a mistake that you do not want to make.
Studies everywhere have shown that the daughters who have a close relationship with their fathers usually delay boy-girl relationships and certainly sexual activity. If these studies are true, it would be a good idea for you to set aside time to bond with your child while she is still young. Now that she is a teenager, it is not too late either...
Dear Daddy
I am writing to you because I believe that the task of educating your child about the issues I addressed in this book and more is yours. It is not the easiest task for any father but if we do not do it no one will do it for us. Those who claim to do it may not do it effectively or may do it for their own benefit. This is the reason why I encourage you to brace yourself and start doing the work that is yours to do.
I have been interacting with teenagers on a daily basis as a schoolteacher for close to a decade now, and one sentence that I have heard over and over when I try to share with them some of the issues I discussed here is that parents do not take time to share these issues with them. They wish they would sit down with their fathers and learn directly from them because trusting the teacher to do the job may not be the best. For one thing, the teacher may not be free to share with your child for different reasons. It is a fact that it is not his/her obligation to teach your child these issues. It is a blessing if the teachers who teach your child take it upon themselves to teach their students these things. But to trust that they will or to say that they must is a mistake that you do not want to make.
Studies everywhere have shown that the daughters who have a close relationship with their fathers usually delay boy-girl relationships and certainly sexual activity. If these studies are true, it would be a good idea for you to set aside time to bond with your child while she is still young. Now that she is a teenager, it is not too late either...
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